As a trauma therapist, one of the most common questions I hear is: “Why am I not over this yet?”
First, let me say this clearly: If you’ve asked yourself that question, you’re not alone. And more importantly, you’re not failing. You’re healing.
Trauma doesn’t operate on a deadline. Whether it’s the aftermath of a single event or the slow erosion caused by years of chronic stress, our nervous systems remember what our minds try to bury. Healing is not about forgetting; it’s about learning how to carry what happened without it weighing down your entire life.
In therapy, I often explain that your body isn’t betraying you. That tight chest, racing heart, dissociation, or emotional numbness? Those are survival strategies your nervous system once used to keep you safe. These are adaptive, highly intelligent responses that your body sought in a time of need. The problem is, they can linger long after the danger has passed.
So what does healing actually look like?
Most of the time, it’s unremarkable. It’s choosing to breathe through a hard moment instead of shutting down. It’s noticing a trigger and gently reminding yourself, “I’m safe now.” It’s setting boundaries without guilt. It’s letting your body shake or cry without forcing it to stop.
Some days, you’ll feel like you’re moving backward. That’s normal too.
In our work together, my goal isn’t to “fix” you because you’re not broken. My goal is to help you understand your nervous system, reconnect with your body, and trust yourself again. Whether we’re working with grounding skills, narrative processing, or somatic interventions, the process respects your pace. No therapist should push you where your body isn’t ready to go.
I know the world tells you to “get over it.” But in my office, we do something different: we slow down. We listen. We allow. Because healing isn’t about erasing the past. It’s about finding freedom in the present.
So if you’re wondering why you’re not “over it” yet, let me offer you this: You’re not behind. You’re becoming.
And that matters more than you know.
